My name is Bond, Sibling Bond!

I called up my brother today. We have not fixed a timing when we call and update each other. He has his life, his wife, his kids. I have mine. I do talk to my parents on a regular basis, so am well updated with the happenings on his front. And yet, there are times I miss our heart-to-heart chats. So, sometimes, I call him up and then just ramble on. My bro is 3 yrs younger to me.

What had happened was that I had found a classmate of mine on www.batchmates.com after nearly 2 decades of having lost touch. Since, I and my bro were in the same school, he knew him. My relation with my brother cannot be termed as very affectionate. There were times we used to discuss the happenings in school and yet there were times we ended up arguing. There were times, our fights became physical too. He used to come to me to help him solve some maths problem and we would end up with a war after I lost my patience (which was and is so less in any case!). We would start playing some card game and end up with me crying as I would be the loser most of the times! He would want to listen to some music while I wanted something poles apart. Luckily we did not have cable TVs back then, else maybe we would have ended up fighting on “which program to see too”.

And yet beneath the surface, lurked that feeling called sibling bond. I have seen brothers and sisters as close as best friends, knowing everything about each other. I may not have been my bro’s best friend, but he knows that I am always there for him and vice versa. We did have our share of laughters… for no reason at times! At other times, it could be some movie, some happening in our lives, some anecdotes! There was a time he supported me when I wanted to go out with friends.

I never realized what he meant to me till the day I left my parents place to start a new life. That was the time; I suddenly found a void…something missing in my life. Even though my hubby became my father, brother, friend rolled into one, yet I missed my bro.

Over the years, the frequency of missing him has reduced. And yet when we meet once or twice a year, we rant on some common topics, we muse on our childhood days, we relive some portion of past!

I look at my two kids now - fighting away to glory at times, arguing without any reason, and complaining about each other. At other times, loving and hugging, defending each other. I am reminded of my sibling.
I just hope they can be more amicable or am I asking for too much?

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Atithee Devo Bhava!

Our Indian culture and tradition puts a great deal of emphasis and importance to guests. Guests are next to God, they say – Atithee Devo Bhava. With changing times, its time to sit back and ponder if guests really is an equivalent word for God!

Over so many years of my life, I have discovered that there are many types of guests who can visit you.
1) Genuine guests: These are the fine breed of relatives/friends who are genuinely happy to meet you, who genuinely want to spend time with you, who would not snoop around your things or your talks, who would help you out with your increased work. Rightfully speaking, they are not exactly guests, they become part and parcel of your family.
2) Snoopy guests: This is the lousiest breed. Before they come, you have to double check all your valuables and put them under lock and key. You have to even lock your mouth shut. You have to be on your guards lest you give out something which will get twisted and forwarded!
3) Invader guests: These guests are staunch supporters of communalism. They will barge into your bedrooms without feeling even sorry about it. Would sit coolly sipping their coffee while their young ones have already converted your home into something resembling a tsunami-effected area! They will not even feel sorry when they mess up your precious Music System or get your Pc virus-ed!
4) Short-term guests: These are the guests who come for a few hours. So, you can just put up your best behavior and try to impress them. On second thoughts, do you really want to impress?
5) Long-term guests: They stay put for a long time till you start wondering, which is the politest way to bid them bye. Mostly this clan is a close relative whose son/daughter needs some place to stay in your city for “some time”.
6) Demanding guests: Some guests need and demand good amount of pampering. They demand a pickup and drop from the airport or station. They would not mind handing you the menu for the day. They would make sure they disappear when its time to cook. They would coolly leave their kids for you to baby-sit while they run away shopping. They would even borrow some of your dresses!

Well well well! I certainly am all for Atithees but then has Kaliyug changed the meaning of Atithee or has it changed me?

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The Big Bad World

Yesterday after dinner, as is customary in my life, I started inquiring my kids about the day's happenings. My younger one suddenly became morose and tense. I could sense something was amiss. On further prodding I came to know that she had came back home from school in tears. She would not tell anyone what the reason was. Nevertheless, the stream of tears wouldnt stop. After a lot of cajoling, she finally came out with the reason.

It seems that a girl in her class is a big bully and has suddenly decided that my D would be her target for all ragging experiences. She would hit her without any reasons or some miniscule one, pull her hair, tease her for some or the other reason. It seems my daughter is not the only one, there is one more tortured soul with her. It had been happening for sometime now.

On hearing this, I started fuming inside. The mother in me could not bear to see my poor child be a subject of such a treatment. My first instinct was to somehow catch hold of the girl the next day and give her a whacking. But then the child isnt mine and neither is corporal punishment a good idea. I thought of going to the school and atleast threaten the child. I thought of complaining to the teacher. I thought of taking it up with the childs parents.

But then after cooling down I realised that I should not interfere. My hubby voiced his opinion that the parents should not interfere and the children should learn to deal all this among themselves. I am all for this ... as long as it is within limits. Physical abuse is certainly beyond that limit. And yet, I know he is right. How long will I go on protecting my child? She should learn to stand up against such treatment. She should learn to fight back. Its not without a reason that they say that experience is the best teacher.

So, I have advised her to voice her feelings to that girl strongly. If she still wont listen, I have asked her to complain to the teacher and if things dont improve, I might come into the picture.

So, here I sit hoping she comes back home with a smile! How tough parenting is! Sigh!

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Live long or die young?

I live in a joint family – hubby, me, 2 kids and 2 in-laws. My in-laws have been very supportive of me ever since I got married. Inspite of the occasional difference of opinion which is bound to be there when two individuals stay together, there is a basic harmony in our house. We have learnt to withdraw whenever we can sense a storm brewing. We have learnt to tolerate each other. We have learnt to guess the mood in general.There are times I get frustrated, when I feel the need to break free, when I hate that interference, when I want to do something without explanation or permission. But then I remind myself that I am blessed to have elders around who can guide me when I am in need of moral support. I can leave my kids in hands that care. I can have the liberty to be carefree in the office not worrying whether my child ate well, is sleeping properly, has been picked up from school etc. There have been times when I was bed-ridden and didn’t think of kitchen or kids at all. But now I am getting worried. My MIL is 75 and FIL has crossed 80. Over the past year, my FIL has become very weak – mentally. He keeps imagining some or the other physical ailment. If one day its lose motion, next day it will be constipation. Third day he will complain about loss of memory. Every week, he wants to be taken to the doctor and if the doctor prescribes some medicine, he will have something to say about it the next day- it caused acidity, or it causes stomach upset etc. Out of an average 16 hrs he is awake, he thinks of himself close to 16 hrs!!! During the initial days, I could sympathise with his situation. Maybe this is what old age drives you to! I used to give a patient hearing. But now I am losing it. I and hubby have tried explaining to him that with old age, decline in health is imminent. Why not accept it and lead the remaining life happily? Think of God, think of the grandchildren. Divert your mind. But no, it falls on deaf ears. He starts his day crying and cribbing and ends his day the same way. At times, takes out his frustration on my children whom I have taught to bear. Sometimes I feel I have 4 children and not 2.
I think of one of my neighbours, Padma. Her MIL is 99 and completely bed-ridden. She has to be given liquid diet every now and then. She has to be tended when nature calls. Padma sponges her everyday. I do believe in good karma and its after effects but till she reaps the fruit, does she and her MIL really have to go through all this? Padma has 2 sons, both settled in US for the past 6-7 yrs and she hasn’t visited them even once since there is noone who can look after her MIL in her absence! I am scared! I am scared of growing old. I would prefer to die young when I am still happy with myself, when I do not have any complaints against anyone, when I do not nag my children day in and day out. But is it in my hands?

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Of Tagging and Myself

It has been ages now since I updated my blog. Since JustLikeThat has tagged me, will do that now!

1) The one thing I like about myself is that I can be a good friend. The problem is “if I decide to”. I can be very biased.
2) The one thing I do not like about myself is that I get carried away most of the times. Whether it is love, like, hate or adore. I never know how to remain within limits.
3) The one thing I would like to change in me is my sensitivity. I want to be less sensitive to people and things, so that I do not get hurt so easily. Like JustLikeThat, I am one of those who lets people walk all over them and not able to do anything about it except fume inside!
4) The one thing I would not like to change in me is my zeal to keep learning new things.
5) The one thing I like to do anytime is “to be lazy”. Need to change that attitude as well!
6) The one thing I do not like to do anytime is “try to be centre of attraction”. I feel uncomfortable being talked about. I am too self-conscious a person.
7) The one thing I would love to learn is to be more positive in life and to adopt that mantra “don’t worry be happy”!
8) The one thing I would love to unlearn is my habit of brooding and to keep crying over spilt milk.
9) The one thing I run away from is confrontations.
10) The one thing I dream of is a simpler life J

Let me update this post as and when I discover myself more!

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