Hum To Aise Hain Bhaiyya!

People! Please stay away from me. Don’t try to venture anywhere within 1 km of my vicinity. I am drowning in the sea of self pity. I have just been diagnosed with the chronic and third degree FIM disease! How cruel can that be! Life is so very unfair. I ask God Almighty, “Why me? Why? Why? Why?” Scientifically, they are still researching and trying to find a cure. How is it that I manage to let loose the most inappropriate sentences at the most appropriate times?
There was a time when my body was a little flexible and the foot could be raised to maximum of being parallel to the ground. But now it’s a miracle if the foot can manage a 45 degree!

And yet my foot is perpetually in my mouth :(
Let me give you a briefing on this disease.

FIM or Foot-In-Mouth Disease
Symptoms: The person afflicted with this disease loses control of tongue on seeing anyone or anything that has ears and can listen. He has this urge to throw some wisecracks at that someone. The brain stops analyzing the words that flow incessantly from the mouth for a few moments. By the time the brain realizes the impact, alas, its too late!
Result: Killer looks from people. Curses galore. Road to hell paved!
Cure: Stitch them the lips! Sigh :(

So, what had happened was that this afternoon one old colleague of mine was sweet enough to drop in and call on me. She had had some work in the vicinity and thought of taking stock with me. After the perfunctory hugs and kisses and hi’s and hellos and so-good-to-see-you routine, the first sentence that got uttered by me were “Hey, looks like you have put on”. The point to be considered here is that we are not big-time pals. Also, the girl had just joined some yoga classes and apparently looking for encouraging comments…. And all she got was THIS! THIS! Imagine her disappointment. Imagine her sorrow. Imagine her anger. Alas, I realized all this only after uttering. Then began a series of mmms and aaas and trying-to-cover-up-and-make-her-feel-better. Now I am wondering when would be the next time she would turn up to say HI to me!
Sigh! And this is not the first time, mind you. I am also known to have asked a young mom whether her child was 1 ½ year old and was told that the child was just 6 months old. Gulp. Now now, how am I supposed to know that some kids are born too healthy? But again what business was it of mine to have guessed the child’s age? This was no quiz and yet, my tongue decided to speak! In the land of the superstitions, when people believe in buri nazar and drishti, this particular statement of mine was so so unwarranted. The best I could have done was to have simply asked the mother the age of the child. But no, I had to open my big mouth.

There are some more of such incidents but then that would be asking for bad publicity!
What do I do, friends? Do you think I can do some penance? Do you know of some rehab where I can get rid of this terrible disease? How? How?