Nov 14, 2008

Hum To Aise Hain Bhaiyya!

People! Please stay away from me. Don’t try to venture anywhere within 1 km of my vicinity. I am drowning in the sea of self pity. I have just been diagnosed with the chronic and third degree FIM disease! How cruel can that be! Life is so very unfair. I ask God Almighty, “Why me? Why? Why? Why?” Scientifically, they are still researching and trying to find a cure. How is it that I manage to let loose the most inappropriate sentences at the most appropriate times?
There was a time when my body was a little flexible and the foot could be raised to maximum of being parallel to the ground. But now it’s a miracle if the foot can manage a 45 degree!


And yet my foot is perpetually in my mouth :(
Let me give you a briefing on this disease.

FIM or Foot-In-Mouth Disease
Symptoms: The person afflicted with this disease loses control of tongue on seeing anyone or anything that has ears and can listen. He has this urge to throw some wisecracks at that someone. The brain stops analyzing the words that flow incessantly from the mouth for a few moments. By the time the brain realizes the impact, alas, its too late!
Result: Killer looks from people. Curses galore. Road to hell paved!
Cure: Stitch them the lips! Sigh :(


So, what had happened was that this afternoon one old colleague of mine was sweet enough to drop in and call on me. She had had some work in the vicinity and thought of taking stock with me. After the perfunctory hugs and kisses and hi’s and hellos and so-good-to-see-you routine, the first sentence that got uttered by me were “Hey, looks like you have put on”. The point to be considered here is that we are not big-time pals. Also, the girl had just joined some yoga classes and apparently looking for encouraging comments…. And all she got was THIS! THIS! Imagine her disappointment. Imagine her sorrow. Imagine her anger. Alas, I realized all this only after uttering. Then began a series of mmms and aaas and trying-to-cover-up-and-make-her-feel-better. Now I am wondering when would be the next time she would turn up to say HI to me!
Sigh! And this is not the first time, mind you. I am also known to have asked a young mom whether her child was 1 ½ year old and was told that the child was just 6 months old. Gulp. Now now, how am I supposed to know that some kids are born too healthy? But again what business was it of mine to have guessed the child’s age? This was no quiz and yet, my tongue decided to speak! In the land of the superstitions, when people believe in buri nazar and drishti, this particular statement of mine was so so unwarranted. The best I could have done was to have simply asked the mother the age of the child. But no, I had to open my big mouth.

There are some more of such incidents but then that would be asking for bad publicity!
What do I do, friends? Do you think I can do some penance? Do you know of some rehab where I can get rid of this terrible disease? How? How?

13 comments:

Oxy November 15, 2008 at 2:18 AM  

If you are suffering of FIM then I want to be the chosen victim.. spoken in the same context as 'agar tum zeher ho toh pehle mujhe maaro'..

aaila, zor se chubha...if u find this comment GAYish (blame DOSTANA not me)...

Angel's Flight November 15, 2008 at 11:08 AM  

Lol

I am the president of the FIM club

Once while volunteering in the temple, I asked a man how old his grand daughter was....and he looks me square in the eye and says "thts my daughter"...OMG

In my defense both him and his wife were sporting a head full of mostly white hair!!!

ok atleast I have never asked people about who the baby in thier arms was :)

Rhett November 16, 2008 at 2:41 AM  

Your sun sign must be Sagittarius, is it?
I love such FIM gals. They say their heart out. No guessing game. Kicks in the fire in a romance. Not kidding.

Smita November 16, 2008 at 11:22 AM  

cute pics :)

hehehe I know what you are talking about...have already heard so many kissa's ki this is nothing new for me...

But you know what? This makes you adorable ma'am :)

Bouncing-Bubble November 16, 2008 at 3:58 PM  

someone1 asked someone2 when her baby is due.... someone2's face flushed with anger as she had already delivered!

your innocent Qs were far better??

Mama - Mia November 19, 2008 at 12:22 PM  

oh well!

i used to feel very happy when someone thought cubby was older! if they though he was smaller, now that would be a different story altogether! :p

oh well! i suffer it enough to know i shoudl just shut up! :p

LOVED the post! do write more often!

cheers!

abha

Usha November 20, 2008 at 7:02 AM  

hahahha. Keep miles away from me, I have an ever more chronic case of FIM and it is contagious. Someday I will tell you my misadventures and you wopn't feel so bad about yours.
And if ppl have put on wt, let them learn to hear it from others. And tell the other mom that obesity in childhood leads to obesity in later years also - not good. So Burri nazar is no issue. LOL

WhatsInAName November 20, 2008 at 10:42 AM  

Sorry people, for the late reply. No net at home. No net in office. If there is hell on earth, its right here :(

Reema :)
No am not exactly. But yes being born on the border line, my traits are very similar to a Saggi and very less to a Capri that I am supposed to be :) But whats the solution?

Oxy :)
Sorry re for the late reply! Oye hoye, mar jawan gud khake :P :P :P

Shalini :)
ROFL! Hugs to you. I guess some of the similarity is due to the fact that both our bdays add up to the number 7?

Rhett!!! :)
That lifts my sagging spirits :D I wish you get a Saggi girl soon! Or have you already?

Smita :)
Thanks Sweets! Dont we both know better *wink wink * Partners in crime after all!

BB :))
ROFL! Sorry to be laughing at that. I can imagine the scene and also the curses that flew about :)

Abha :)
hehehe Now I know what to say when I meet you. No, no, just kidding :) Cubby is adorable the way he is. Put a kala tikka on him!
More writing? :( Read the first line! Sigh! I just need a reason, dont I? ;)

Usha :)
When am I meeting my soul sistah? I hope soon sooner soonest! :D I have worse tales which I am too embarrassed to share here, you know what I mean hehehe

Suma November 20, 2008 at 7:00 PM  

so nice to meet another FIM-ite :)

so don't u mind...;)

WhatsInAName November 29, 2008 at 9:46 PM  

Suma :) am feeling much better

Swati ;) *winks

Nikita November 30, 2008 at 9:16 AM  

haha... i thought u are a saggi too.. but u turned out to be a capri. well, I am a leo and the worst sufferer of FIM disease after Saggi in the zodiac.
I once asked a senior gal in school why she never spoke clearly, she gave me a look of hatred and said that's because she wears braces. Oops!!! I had never noticed her BIG braces and I fail to understand how. My next statement that I never noticed her braces because of her pretty eyes, was intended to make up but failed to amuse her coz she wore thick glasses too.
I swear i never meant to hurt her but.... :-(
Glad u told us about the consequences of guessing ages of babies... I would be cautious about that

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